


I especially am slow

by bangyababy



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break up (not between Steve/Bucky), Brock Rumlow is an ass, Discussions of sex, Fluff, Getting Together, Halloween, Humor, Lack of Communication, Love Confessions, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Pining, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, boys wearing dresses, shitty boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 12:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16475846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangyababy/pseuds/bangyababy
Summary: Steve's been in love with Bucky his whole life, but he's never told him and that was okay, Steve was fine. Until Bucky announced that this year he'd be doing a couples costume with his new boyfriend Ryan.





	I especially am slow

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a very fun and light story and then somehow the FEELS came. This is also only my second Stucky story so I'm still feeling out their characterizations. Also, I need to say that when discussing this story with a friend I accidentally said that a good couples costume was Danny and Zuko instead of Danny and Sandy and now I can't get that out of my head. 
> 
> Title taken from Bright Eyes First Day of My Life because I'm original. 
> 
> This is unbeta'd, but I'm an English teacher so, it's should be fine lmao.

Steve was having trouble processing what was just said to him. He knew he was meant to respond but his brain still hadn’t figured out that words had meanings. Ryan, Bucky’s boyfriend, was grinning at him in a sickly sweet kind of way, while Bucky frowned at the back of Ryan’s head. 

“I hadn’t had a chance to ask him yet,” Bucky said to Ryan.

“Oh! Sorry, it’s just we talked about it weeks ago…” Ryan trailed off and turned his saccharine grin to Bucky. “You don’t mind, do you, Steve?”

Steve blinked between the two of them, unsure of what he wasn’t supposed to mind. 

“Steve?”

Bucky’s voice prompted the dumb response of “What?” 

Bucky snorted and Ryan finally looked back at him with a raised eyebrow. “Well, Ryan’s never done a couples costume, and so he asked if we could do one this year—”

“I mean after all we  _ are _ a couple,” Ryan interjected. “That’s fine with you, isn’t it, Steve?”

Bucky had turned back to the counter, but Steve could see the tense line of his shoulders. He didn’t want Bucky to think he was upset so he said, “Uh, yeah, that’s fine, great, actually.” 

Ryan’s smile turned knowing and Steve hastened to cover-up whatever Ryan thought he saw on his face. “Because I’m actually doing a costume with someone else this year.”

“You are?” Bucky’s knife clattered to the counter and Ryan shot Bucky’s back a look Steve didn’t understand.

“Yeah, me and, uh, Sam,” Steve lied. 

Bucky’s eyebrows knitted together as he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Oh, I just-you know Sam’s still getting over Karla, and I knew you’d have Ryan, so I just didn’t want to Sam to feel alone, you know?” It wasn’t technically a lie because Steve did think all of those things. 

Before Bucky could reply Ryan said, “Wow, that’s really thoughtful of you, Steve.”

“Yeah,” Bucky murmured. “Real thoughtful.”  

“Well, anyway,” Ryan continued, “We still need to pick a costume.” 

“How about Grease? Danny and Sandy? I bet you’d look killer in a black bodysuit, babe.” 

Ryan nodded. “I do look good in a bodysuit.” 

“We did that once,” Steve said, voice a little thin. Ryan shot him a look that was as intense as it was short, but that didn’t stop Steve from pushing himself a little deeper into the couch.

“Oh shit, we did.” Bucky turned around sandwich in hand, oblivious to the tension between Steve and Ryan. “We won second place; probably why I thought of it.”

_ And nothing to do with the fact that he looks almost exactly like me when I was small.  _ The bitterness of the thought was unexpected and Steve shook his head to clear it. 

“Not very original, anyway,” Ryan snapped standing up to leave. “We’ll think of something. Bye, Steve. James, text me later.” 

“No kiss?”

Ryan wrinkled his nose. “James, you know how I feel about mayo.” Bucky shrugged and Ryan left.

Bucky continued to eat his sandwich, listing off couples costumes ideas between bites. By the time he finished his food, Steve realized he hadn’t said anything and Bucky was giving him a funny look.

“Hey man, are you okay?”

Steve gave him a tight smile. “Yeah, I’m good. I was just thinking about this critique from earlier.” 

“Well, whatever they said they’re fucking wrong, Rogers. You’re the best damn artist since Chagall.”

“Okay, first of all, my style is nothing like Chagall, so weird comparison, and second of all, what if they said something good?”

“Then you wouldn’t be sitting over there looking like someone said your art looked like Chagall’s.” 

At that Steve actually laughed. “Do you actually know any other artists?”

“Don’t need to,” Bucky grinned. “There’re only two important names in art— the founder and the savior: Chagall and Rogers.”

“Did anyone ever tell you that you’re the cheesiest sonuvabitch this side of Hudson?” 

“Only this one asshole who can’t take a compliment.” Bucky knocked his shoulder with Steve. “Besides, I’ve been told I’m very charming.”  

Steve smiled and knocked him back. “Yeah, Buck, you’re a regular Prince Charming.”

Bucky picked up the remote and switched the TV to the Food Network. They were both quiet for a long time before Bucky spoke. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the costume thing earlier.”

Steve watched him out of the corner of his eye, but Bucky was focused on the TV. “It’s all good. I understand. I should’ve told you about Sam earlier, too.” 

Bucky did turn to him then and Steve met his gaze. “It’s gonna be weird not going together.” 

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “I mean we can still go to the same place.”

“Yeah, but…” Bucky trailed off and turned back to the TV. “I’m just gonna miss going with you.”

Steve forced himself to look at the TV as replied, “Yeah, me too.” 

☆

“I have a problem,” Steve said sitting down across from Sam.

“Does it have anything to do with the fact that we are apparently doing a couples costume?” Sam asked crossing his arms. 

Steve groaned and set his head on the table. “Bucky told you.” 

“Yup,” Sam said popping the ‘P.’ “You’re lucky I like you Rogers, and that I’m a damn good liar.”

“This is such a mess.” 

Sam snorted into his coffee cup. “Damn fucking right it is, and it wouldn’t be if you had just talked to the boy, oh I don’t know, ten years ago?”

“Eleven,” Steve corrected. 

“You’re not making this any better.” 

Steve picked his head up and glared at Sam. “It doesn’t matter now, because clearly, I’m not Bucky’s type.” 

Sam raised his brows at him. “Because Ryan doesn’t look  _ exactly  _ like you or anything.” 

“Yeah, when I was  _ small _ .” Steve tried to quell the acid in his voice but he was pretty sure that failed miserably judging by the unimpressed look on Sam’s face. He sighed and continued. “I don’t know what happened, Sam. He just said they were going to do a couples costume and I just felt like my whole body shut down. And Ryan, fuck he fucking  _ knows _ , Sam. It was like I was watching it happen from a distance or something.”

“I don’t get it, you guys have been in relationships during Halloween before, right?”

Steve nodded. “But we always had matching costumes, even when we were dating people at the time. We’ve had matching costumes since we met.” 

Sam whistled low. “Okay, I guess I can see why that’s got you a little freaked out. Things are changing, you’re getting older, your life is in a period of transition and all that bullshit.”

“Yeah, I guess? I just always thought—” Steve cut himself off before he could say what he really felt. There was no need to make himself even more pathetic in Sam’s eyes.

But Sam leaned over the small table and patted his shoulder. “Hey, tell me.” 

Steve swallowed around the unexpected lump in his throat. “I just always thought it would be me and Bucky. ‘Till the end of the line,” Steve whispered. 

Sam sat back with a sigh. “Jesus, Steve.” 

“I know,” Steve said around a watery laugh. 

“You gotta tell him, man. You can’t keep doing this.” 

“I can’t, Sam. He’s with Ryan now and that’s a fucked up thing to do.” 

“And it’s also fucked up that he doesn’t have all of the facts. I know you think you’re doing him right by him by not telling him, but he deserves to know how you feel, and you deserve to live your life not always wondering what if.” 

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “I know you’re right, I’m just not sure I’m ready.” 

“Look, I can’t force you, but at least think about it, alright? It’s gonna be messy but, it’s gonna be okay, okay?” 

This time Steve leaned over and squeezed Sam’s shoulder. “Thanks, man.”

“Hey, what are number two best friends for?” 

Steve gave a little squawk. “You’re not my number two, I’ve just know Bucky longer! I like you both—”

“Save it, dude,” Sam laughed. “I get it.” 

“But Sam,” Steve tried. 

“Do me a favor, Rogers, just marry Barnes already so I can officially call the Best Man title.” 

“I can have two best men,” Steve grumbled. 

Sam rolled his eyes but he was smiling. “Now, about this costume.”

☆

The sound of the door slamming startled Steve to attention, his pencil splintering across the page. 

“Oh shit, Stevie, sorry,” Bucky said when he saw Steve blinking down at the broken pencil. “Didn’t mean to startle ya.”

“It’s fine, Buck.” Steve held up his sketchbook filled with feet. “I was just doing some anatomy practice.”

Bucky grinned and plopped down on the other side of the couch, swinging his legs up so they lay next to Steve’s. “You sure you ain’t got a foot fetish?” 

“Now that you mention it.” Before Bucky could react Steve had flung his sketchbook and pencil to the side and grabbed Bucky’s socked foot. Bucky was especially ticklish on his feet and Steve showed him no mercy. 

“Steve!” Bucky wheezed through his laughter. “Stop!” 

“What do you say?” Steve asked, panting from trying to hold a wriggling Bucky still.

“I’m gonna punt you into the sun!” 

“Nope!” 

“You’re gonna regret the day you were born.”

“Already do. Try again.” 

“Steve Rogers is the tickle fight champion!” 

Steve let go of Bucky instantly and Bucky gasped to catch his breath. They were both still fighting back giggles when their breathing returned to normal. “It’s probably a little weird that we still do that, right?” Steve asked. 

“Yeah,” Bucky agreed. “But I don’t care.” 

Steve grinned at him. “Me either.” 

They were quiet for a few moments and Steve asked, “Is everything okay?” 

Buck sighed and threw his head back on the arm of the couch while lifting his foot into Steve’s face, a silent request. Steve picked it up and pulled off his sock before he started massaging it. “I got into a fight with Ryan. It’s not that we haven’t fought before, but this one was just so…dumb.” 

Steve couldn’t deny that a flash of happiness coursed through him at the admission, but he immediately felt guilty. If Bucky was upset, he shouldn’t be happy about that. “What happened?”

“We were talking about getting coffee and he wanted to go to some hipster place in Williamsburg that had ‘the literal best flat white’ and I was like yeah sure, I guess, but then he told me they  _ only _ had flat whites and you know I hate flat whites-”

“Because they’re shit,” Steve cut in.

“Exactly. So, I was like why don’t we go someplace where they have both? And I don’t know, Steve, it just turned to this whole thing where we always do what I wanna do and I don’t appreciate his interests or whatever and then I was like fine let’s go to the fucking hipster place to get the fucking flat whites and he was like ‘No, I don’t want to go if we’re just going because you think I want you to want to go.’ So I got mad.” 

Steve nodded and switched to Bucky’s other foot. “Then what happened?” 

“So I told him that was fuckin’ bullshit, and it’s not fair that he’s upset that I just don’t fuckin’ like shitty goddamn flat whites, but I’ll go to the fuckin’ place if that’s what he wants. Like I’m  _ never _ gonna wanna go get a flat white and I wasn’t gonna pretend like I liked ‘em to make him stop bitchin’.” By the time Bucky had finished his story his Brooklyn accent had become so strong that Steve had to stop himself from smiling. “It’s all so fuckin’ dumb.” 

“Sounds like something bigger is going on,” Steve said. 

Bucky snorted and pulled his foot away. “You’re telling me, pal.” He stood up and stretched, his shirt riding up to reveal his v-cut and Steve did his best not to stare. “Anyway, thanks, Steve. I guess I’m gonna go call Ryan and see what’s up.” 

“Yeah, no problem,” Steve replied, tearing his eyes away from Bucky’s golden skin. He prayed to whoever was listening that Bucky couldn’t see the blush dusting his cheeks. “Good luck.” 

“Thanks,” Bucky called over his shoulder. He stopped in the doorway was his room and turned to look at Steve for a moment. “Hey, Steve?” 

“Yeah?” Steve looked up from gathering his fallen art supplied. 

“‘Till the end of the line?” 

Steve’s eyebrows came together for a moment before he smiled. “‘Till the end of the line.” 

Bucky smiled back and disappeared into his room. 

☆

“What about M&M’s?” Sam asked. 

“One, what is it 1998? and two, Bucky and me did that in 1998.”

Sam groaned. “Is there a costume you two  _ haven’t  _ done?” 

“Plenty. Like this one.” Steve turned his MacBook to show Sam a picture of a plug and socket costume. 

Sam looked down at him a frown. “Are you serious?” 

“Of course,” Steve replied with a shit eating grin. 

“I don’t know why people think you’re so nice, you’re the most irritating little shit I’ve ever met,” Sam said taking the computer. 

“Hey!” Steve clutched his chest looking faux offended. “I’m a big shit now.”

“I don’t even want to be friends with you.” He clacked at the keyboard and then turned it to Steve. “What about this?” 

“Bacon and eggs?”

“It’s gender neutral and everyone loves breakfast foods,” Sam explained. 

“Yeah, but how do you go to the bathroom?” Sam hmm’d at that and Steve clicked away at the computer. “Ohhh, Sam look at this.” 

Sam leaned in to see the picture Steve was pointing at. “Steve, what the fuck.” 

“It’s hilarious,” Steve exclaimed. “Everyone love puns.” 

“It’s really not, and they really don’t.” 

“Come on, Sam.” Steve gave him a smile that Bucky had dubbed Wholesome American Boy, but usually only spelled trouble. “Think outside the bun.”

Sam choked on air and Steve clapped him on the back. “Alright, fine, only because that was perfect timing.” He looked back at the photo. “So which one of us is the bell?” 

☆

Somehow Steve ended up getting ready for the night at Sam’s place. Bucky announced that Ryan would be getting ready at their place because his bathroom was smaller than theirs or something. Steve had started making plans to get his stuff to Sam’s place as soon as Bucky had opened his mouth. 

“I thought we were gonna head over together?” Bucky had asked. 

“Sorry, it’s just Sam’s gotta help me with my costume,” Steve had lied. 

“I can help you?”

“But you’ve got your own to deal with and you won’t tell me what it is, so it’s probably complicated. Sam’s is pretty easy, so I’ll let you and Ryan have the bathroom.”  

“Oh, right sure. Thanks.” Bucky gave him a tight smile. “I’ll see you there?”

“Yeah, of course.” Steve had stuffed his costume in a bag and fled the apartment not ten minutes later bumping into Ryan with a terse ‘see you later’ on the way out. 

He knew Bucky really wanted to him to stay, probably to preserve some sense of normalcy and he felt bad, but he couldn’t deny it was nice to not be in a confined space with Ryan. 

“So what are Bucky and Ryan going as?” Sam asked as Steve sat down on the toilet seat so Sam could fix his wig. 

“Dunno,” Steve answered. “Bucky wouldn’t tell me because Ryan wanted it to be a surprise.” 

Sam rolled his eyes. “That boy is Extra.” 

“The look he gave me when I was leaving the apartment. It sent chills down my spine, man.”

“How so?”

“Like if there is an attempt on my life you know who suspect number one is.” 

“Man, Barnes really does know how to pick ‘em.”

“I mean, Ryan isn’t the worst—”

“I was talking about you, Steve.”

“Excuse me?”

“Ryan maybe Extra, but you are Dramatic T M.” Sam stepped back to admire his handiwork. “All done,” he said over Steve’s spluttering. 

“I am  _ not _ dramatic!” Steve called to Sam’s back as he walked out of the bathroom. 

“Dramatic T M,” Sam called back. 

☆

The bar they usually went to for Halloween was just this side of crowded, but they all liked it because the music was never too loud and even if there weren’t seats there was usually a standing table. Sam and Steve were standing off to the side of a table when Natasha and Wanda, who were dressed as Poison Ivy and Tinker Bell, found them.

“I don’t get it,” Wanda said looking between Sam and Steve. “I thought you were supposed to be together?”

“We are,” Steve said a little louder than intended. He was already two drinks in and even though his body was bigger, he was still a lightweight when it came to alcohol.

“It’s a pun,” Natasha explained to her. “Sam is a taco, and Steve is—”

“A princess!” Steve interjected, doing a spin and showing off his form-fitting yellow dress. 

“Yeah, Steve, a beautiful princess,” Sam agreed, pulling him back into their circle. 

“He’s Belle, from the Disney movie, no?” Wanda asked. 

“Yeah, we’re Taco Belle!” Steve shouted. His phone buzzed and he checked in the incoming text message. “Ohh, it’s from Bucky. They’re almost here. I’m gonna go get another drink.”

“Are you sure you need one?” Natasha raised a brow at him. 

“I’ve only had two.” Steve crossed his arms and looked at her with his best Disappointed Dad face. “Can’t a guy let loose?” 

Natasha gave him a look but before she could say anything else Beauty and the Beast pushed their way into their circle and Steve was being shoved back with surprising force. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Steve looked down to see a tiny version of his costume glaring up at him. With a gasp, he realized it was Ryan, who then whirled around to shout at Bucky. “James, what the fuck!”

Bucky, who was the Beast, could only blink between Steven and Ryan with his mouth hanging open. Ryan turned back to Steve and started yelling again. “You’re fucking incredible, Rogers. A real piece of fucking work. You think this is going to change anything?”

“No, I-I didn’t—” Steve stammered until Sam stepped in between him and Ryan. 

“Ryan, it’s not the same, we didn’t know, I promise.” He gestured between himself and Steve. “We’re  _ Taco _ Belle.” 

At that point, Bucky began to laugh. Ryan whipped around so fast Steve was surprised he didn’t break his neck. “You think this is  _ funny _ ?” 

“Yeah, I mean it kind of is,” Bucky replied. “They’re the costume that I originally wanted to do.”

“So you did tell him!”

“No, he didn’t, I just saw it on the internet—”

“Shut up, Steve,” Ryan said without taking his eyes off of Bucky. Without another word, Ryan marched forward and took Bucky by the arm and lead him away. 

Steve turned to go to the bar, but he still heard Wanda asking Sam if Steve was okay. Steve sighed as he waved down the bartender. He was  _ trying  _ to have a good time, but his friends seemed to have other plans. He had lost most of his buzz when he heard a voice in his ear. 

“Is that Steve Rogers?” 

Steve stiffened and turned to face the speaker. “Brock.” He was wearing a pirate costume from a few years ago, and looking at his exposed chest Steve couldn’t blame himself for getting caught up with him in the first place.

Brock looked him up and down. “I’d know that ass anywhere.” Steve suddenly regretted going for the ‘slutty’ Belle dress instead of the traditional ball gown. The bartender came over and Steve ordered two shots that Brock told the bartender to put on his tab. “You here with anyone?”

Steve wanted to argue about Brock paying for his drinks, but decided it was the least he was owed after everything that had happened between them. “Not that it’s any of your business, but no.” 

Brock leaned in close and Steve could smell the whiskey on his breath. “But you could be.”

“Are you serious?”

“Just one night, baby,” Brock murmured, his lips brushing the shell of Steve’s ear. “I’ve missed you.” 

The bartender thankfully returned with Steve’s shots and he downed them without pause. “Your dick misses me,” he gasped through the burn of the tequila.  

Brock threw his head back and laughed. “And your ass doesn’t miss my dick?” 

Steve thought about it for a moment. He looked over and saw Ryan and Bucky had moved to a corner but they were clearly still arguing. Steve couldn't believe he'd gotten himself into this mess. What were the chances that he’d show up in a match for Bucky’s costume? That they had the same idea in the first place? How was it possible that after all this time, Steve still couldn't tell Bucky how he felt? How many times was he going to let Bucky get away? 

“Alright, fine.” 

Brock looked surprised but pleased. “Great, I’ll text you when I’m ready to go.” He reached down and grabbed a handful of Steve’s ass. “Can’t wait to fucking destroy this later.” Steve groaned, but Brock mistook at as one of anticipation rather than self-deprecation. He gave Steve's ass a little slap and walked away. 

When Steve got back to his friends Bucky and Ryan still weren’t back. “So, Brock’s here.” 

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Figures.” 

“I’m gonna go home with him later.”

“What?” Sam said at the same time as Wanda said, “No!”

“Look, we’re not getting back together or anything. It’s just sex, that’s all.” 

“But you said he was selfish in bed,” Sam pointed out. 

“Yeah, but he can be good if he’s in the right mood.” Steve crossed his arms. “And he seems to be in the right mood.” 

“Look, Steve, I know you’re upset about everything that just happened—” Natasha began. 

“I’m not upset.”

She glared at him in continued. “But this is not the way to deal with your feelings.”

“They’re already fighting because of me, you think me telling him how I feel is going to make things better?”

“Well, if they’re fighting, it can’t make things worse,” Wanda pointed out. 

“She’s right, you need to tell Barnes the truth,” Natasha finished. 

“The truth about what?” Bucky asked stepping back into their group, Ryan nowhere to be seen. 

“Where’s Ryan?” Steve asked instead. 

Even under the makeup, Steve could see that Bucky was embarrassed. “He went to the bathroom. Sorry about all that.” 

“It’s alright,” Wanda assured him. 

Bucky ran a hand through his hair. “He’s just been a little sensitive recently and I probably shouldn’t have laughed.” 

“Seriously, man, don’t worry.” Sam clapped him on the back. 

“Thanks, you guys.” He gave them all a small smile. “But what did you need to tell me, Steve?”

“It’s not important,” Steve said a little too quickly. Natasha gave him a hard look. “Just that I’m not going to home later, so you know, feel free to do…whatever,” He finished lamely. 

“What? Are you going back to Sam’s?” 

Wanda answered for him. “No, he’s not. He’s going home with Brock.”

“Brock?” Bucky repeated. “You’re going home with fucking, Brock? Are you out of your mind?”

“It’s just sex. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s not a big deal? What about the last time you went home with him for ‘just sex?’ What happened then?”

“Wait, Steve, how many times have you gone home with Brock?” Sam asked. 

Bucky’s eyes were bright with fury as he stared down Steve. “Tell, ‘em, Stevie. Tell ‘em how many times.” 

Steve bristled. “Oh, it’s not like you’re any fucking better! Ryan treats you like shit, but I wanna fuck my shitty ex and suddenly it’s the end of the world?”

“What’s between me and Ryan ain’t nothing like you and Brock, Steve! It’s completely fucking different.” 

Steve glared hard at Bucky. “Excuse me, but I am an adult and I can make my own decisions about who can put their dick up my ass. Not that it’s any of you guys' fucking business.” 

“Oh, you’ve made that  _ perfectly  _ clear,” Bucky bit back. 

“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“You know damn well what it means, Steve!” 

Sam’s exasperated voice cut in, “Well, can someone explain to me what it means?”

Bucky’s shoulders sagged forward and suddenly he looked more tired than Steve had ever seen him. “How long we gonna do this, Steve?” 

Steve’s voice was hoarse when he spoke, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Bucky gave a humorless laugh. “That’s what I thought. I’m gonna go find Ryan.” He nodded to them and walked away.

It was quiet for a long time after Bucky left. Finally, Natasha stepped forward and put her hand on Steve’s arm. “Steve.”

Steve’s eyes slid closed. “Please, don’t.”

Natasha shook him a little. “Steve, come on, look at me.” 

Steve opened his eyes and looked between his friends. “Guys, can we not?”

“No, we’re gonna,” Sam said. “Steve, whatever this is, you need to deal with it. Clearly, it’s not as one-sided as you think.” 

“Steve, we hate seeing you like this. Both of you like this.” Wanda gave him a sad smile. “We want what’s best for you.”

“And this isn’t it." 

Steve sighed as his phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and read the quick message from Brock. “I know you guys, I’m sorry. I’ll deal with it, I promise.” He put the phone back in his pocket and gave them an apologetic smile. “I’ll see you guys later. Have fun, tonight.” 

They said their goodbyes and Steve headed for the door where Brock was waiting for him. “Hey, sexy.” 

“Let’s just go, Brock,” Steve grumbled as he walked passed him out of the bar.

“Someone’s ready for some dick,” Brock chuckled then threw an arm around Steve’s shoulders. Steve was too tired to shrug him off so he let slide. 

When they started walking towards Brock’s place Steve stopped. “You didn’t get an Uber?”

“Thought we could walk, it’s not that far.” 

“Brock, it’s at least thirty blocks and I’m cold. 

“Fine, but let’s get a little ways away before we call one.” Brock eased him forward. 

They were passing the alley next to the bar when Steve caught sight of a Beast holding a cigarette between bloody knuckles. 

“Bucky?”

“Oh for fuck's sake,” Brock groaned. 

“Fuck off,” Bucky called turning away. 

“You heard him, Steve, let’s go.” Brock tugged on Steve but Steve pulled away and started for Bucky. “Fine, I guess you won’t be getting any of this dick.”

“Not much to get in the first place, Brock,” Steve told him. 

“Fuck you, Rogers.” With that Brock disappeared from view. 

“Bucky?” Steve put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder but Bucky shrugged him off. “Come on, Buck don’t be like that. I’m sorry about earlier, okay? Just talk to me.” 

“You’re the last person I wanna fucking talk to right now, Rogers,” Bucky huffed. 

That stung Steve a little bit, but after what just happened, he understood. “Alright, we don’t have to talk. But come on, let’s not stand out here.”

“I’m not going back inside.” 

“Okay, fine, let’s go home.” 

“Not going home with Brock, then?” 

“Bucky,” Steve sighed. “You know I’m not. Let’s just go.” Steve grabbed Bucky by the elbow and turned him around. 

“Fine.” 

The walk home was tense and even though they only lived a few blocks away, Steve felt like they had walked miles by the time they reached home. When they got inside Bucky immediately when to the bathroom and Steve could hear the water running. 

Steve pulled off his wig and scratched his head. He tried to think of something to say to Bucky to make this better. It was several long minutes before Bucky came out with a mostly clean face and still didn’t have anything solid that he wanted to say.

“I don’t want to talk Steve,” Bucky said heading for the kitchen. Steve stood up and followed him. 

“Yeah, I got that, but I think we need to.” 

“What is there to say?” Bucky asked poking his head in the fridge. 

Steve took the beer Bucky offered him. “We could start with why you punched a wall.” 

“Ryan and I broke up.” Bucky slammed the door to the refrigerator. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” 

“Bullshit,” Bucky spat and Steve took an unconscious step back. “Don’t fucking lie to me, not about this.” 

“Buck?” 

Bucky sat his beer down on the counter and turned away from Steve. “I’m tired, Steve, I’m so tired of this.”

Steve felt his throat constrict. “What are you saying?” 

“I don’t know,” Bucky whispered. 

Steve knew that they were at some sort of crosswords and he was terrified that whatever he said next was going to lead them down the wrong path. He didn’t know why Bucky was suddenly acting like this and he didn’t know how to fix it. But Bucky had told him not to lie, and Steve would at least give him that. 

“I’m scared,” Steve admitted. 

Bucky didn’t turn around. “So am I.” 

Steve took a small step forward. “I don’t want to fuck this up.”

“Yeah.” 

“I couldn’t stand it if I if I—” Steve choked on the words. “You’re the most important person in the world to me, Bucky.” 

“I know,” Bucky sighed. “I  _ know, _ Steve.” 

Steve felt the heat of tears pricking at his eyes but he didn’t bother to try and fight them. “Bucky please, look at me.” Slowly Bucky turned around and Steve saw the same fear on Bucky’s face that he felt himself. “I don’t want to lose you.” 

Bucky’s face softened and his voice was raspy as he spoke, “Then don’t.” 

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?” 

“I love you.”

Bucky stepped forward and took Steve’s face in his hands, thumbs swiping at the tears that were now freely falling. “Oh, Stevie,” he murmured, bringing Steve’s head to his chest. “You know I love you, too.” 

“I didn’t want anything to change, I didn’t want to risk losing you,” Steve cried. “I thought you didn’t mean it, and then when I realized you did it felt like it was too late. And I didn’t know if you still did.” 

Bucky ran stoked Steve’s back as he held him close. “I know, sweetheart. But I meant it then, and I mean it now. We’ve both been bullheaded about this.”

“I thought you wouldn’t want me now.”

“Now?”

“Now that I’m, you know, big.”

Bucky pulled back to look Steve in the eye. “You think I give a shit how tall you are? How much you weigh? The only thing I care about is you’re  _ healthy  _ now.” 

“But Ryan was so small,” Steve protested. 

“I wasn’t interested in Ryan because he looked like you, I mean that didn’t hurt, I was interested in Ryan because he was strong and didn’t take shit from anyone. He never backed down from a fight, but that included me. It was never gonna last.”

“Really?” 

Bucky gave him a small smile. “Yeah, really. Plus I was still in love with my best friend, so.”

Steve looked at the ground. “I’m sorry I took so long, Buck.” 

Bucky tipped his chin up so Steve was looking at him again. “It’s okay, Steve, you needed to figure it out on your own and we’re here now.”

Steve nodded and they stared at each other for a few long moments. 

“Is this the part where we kiss?” Steve burst out when he couldn’t stand the anticipation any longer. 

Bucky laughed and pulled him in. “Yeah, Stevie, this is the part where we kiss.”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt was taken from this [ post ](http://nadiahilker.tumblr.com/post/150048527910/halloween-prompts)
> 
> Also, I have a [tumblr](http://bangyababy.tumblr.com).
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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